Lonely
by Smooth-Skin
Summary: A short monologue by the Lone Wanderer. Kinda depressing. Sucky summary is sucky. F!LW/Charon


**This is basically the result of a snowday. It's kind of monologue by the Lone Wanderer, idk. Enjoy.**

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Love is a strange thing, and I realized a long time ago that there are certain types of love. Like, the love for my Father, and the love I had for my teddy bear. Those are two completely different types of love. I don't think I ever felt the type of love you find on those pre-war holotapes. Y'know, the kind where a couple would die for each other. Mind you, that was before I left the shithole that was Vault 101. Before I left Vault 101, I didn't even know that the Wasteland existed. But then my Dad left, and I found reality outside of the Vault. I found love.

My first ever true love was Charon. Yes, Charon, as in the bodyguard that works - I mean, worked - in the Ninth Circle. The Ghoul. When I saw my first ever Ghoul, Gob, I was scared shitless. But then I realised that he had a heart, and he was just like me. Soppy, I know. When I bought Charon's contract, the only thought that was going through my mind was 'he needs freedom'. And in a way, I kind of granted him that freedom. Instead of being stuck in that lousy bar with that dickhead Ahzrukhal, he was off fighting Super Mutants and shit with me. He helped me find my Father. I guess, as we explored, we bonded. Well, he didn't speak to me much, but he had the freedom to. And he would always save my ass, even though he had to. He would often say to me that I was his favourite employer, because I allowed him this much freedom.

When I watched my Father die at the Jefferson Memorial, Charon had to drag me back. That was the first ever time we made physical contact. Of course, I didn't really notice it. When my father died, I felt lost. And when I mourned him, Charon was there. He was there for me. It doesn't say anything about _that_ in his contract. He was also there when we found the G.E.C.K. and the Enclave came. He was there with Fawkes when I escaped. But the most painful bit was at the end of Project Purity. When I walked into the Purifier and entered the code, I couldn't bring myself to look at him, 'cause I knew he would be staring at me with those milky blue eyes of his. I knew that if I looked at him then, I'd burst into tears.

I still can't bring myself to forget Charon. I know he would want me to, but I can't. When he disappeared, I searched all over the Capital Wasteland. And I mean _all _over. I think that half of me has given up, accepted that he's not coming back. The other half wants to go out looking for him, but I can't. I just want to stay at home and remember the good times. When I woke up from my coma and he kissed me. When we battled side by side at Paradise Falls. When we went into Little Lamplight and all the kids wanted to play with him. When he broke Butch's nose after he tried to grab my ass. When he told me he loved me...

I miss him. So much. He's been gone for about a year now. It's strange without Charon. It never will be the same. Not unless he comes back. I think I've lost hope. I know I shouldn't, but I've gotten used to being alone again. It sucks without Charon. Whenever I used to have nightmares, he'd be by my side. Now, I just cry myself to sleep. Sometimes I don't think I can take it anymore. I don't know what to do with my life now that Charon isn't here. With me.

I have nothing of him but memories, and even they are fading. Every time I see Gob, I feel like breaking down. I feel like running into the Wasteland and begging to all the Gods I know to bring him back. But alas, I can't do that. I can't just abandon everything, even though I feel like shit. I've thought about suicide, but I know what Charon would think of me if I did actually commit suicide. Plus, I think there's a tiny shred of me hoping that he's still alive. That tiny shred of hope is what's keeping me alive now.

If you're still out there, then come back Charon. Maybe I'm just giving myself false hope, but still.. I miss you. I don't think that I can keep living like this..

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**WOW. I seriously didn't expect it to be _THIS_ depressing! I made myself sad by writing this, but I felt this should be done. Sorry it's so short. I feel like I'm making it drag, and it's getting boring.**


End file.
